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A New Season of Life. What if Jesus Doesn't Provide?

I'm a Navy wife. It's something that brings me great joy, but if I'm honest, it also brings great uncertainty. There's constant change with being married to someone in the service. The most prominent is being relocated from city to city. I'm always hesitant to get too comfortable, too attached because the second I do, we get the paperwork that says we're picking up and starting over.

Each military spouse's journey is unique. I'm not special in these feelings. There are many other women who understand exactly what I'm saying and feeling. It "comes with the territory," as many nonmilitary humans like to remind me. While they're not wrong and while many can understand, it doesn't make the transition any easier. It's easy to be filled with doubt, concern, and uncertainty. Sometimes, it's borderline fear that creeps into my brain.

"What if you don't find a new job?"

"What if you hate where you're going?" "What if you make no friends?"

What if, what if, what if.

Other times, it's frustration or annoyance that creeps into my brain.

"I just got comfortable here. Why would I want to start again?"

"I love my job. I don't want to uproot that. Do you know long it took to find it?"

"I'm not going. This is home."

I hate to say it, but sometimes I'm even ungrateful. I complain to Jesus, as if I didn't pray for this life of mine. I tell Him, "It's unfair." It's unfair that my husband has a career and that I'm stuck trying to figure it out every time we start new. It's unfair that I have to pack my life in boxes, unpack the boxes when we arrive, and readjust to a new norm. It's unfair that I don't have friends in this new city. Jesus talks a lot about fairness, but the biggest reminder that I hold onto is this: I don't actually want fair. Fair would mean that I hung on the cross instead of Jesus. When I'm reminded of this, I'm also reminded that Jesus has a plan far greater than I can imagine and that I need to trust Him...even in the storm.

The devil is good at being the devil. he is good at confusing us, speaking fear into our lives, and convincing us that there's nothing better for us except for the current state we're in. When we got the news of our relocation this time, the devil immediately asked me:

What if your Jesus doesn't provide?

For a split second, I let this thought consume me. I created every negative scenario I could muster...which, let's be real, was a lot since I'm a creative writer. I convinced myself that nothing good would come if we uprooted from Jax. The scariest thing for me was the thought that I would lose my connection with church. After 26 years of not loving it, it's been life changing to find a church that feels like home. I let the negative, scary, daunting, and dark thoughts dance for awhile. Then I did what I have always done when I'm overwhelmed and anxious.

I prayed.

I prayed that Jesus give me the courage to face this new chapter in our lives. (Joshua 1:9)

I prayed that Jesus protect us during this transition. (Psalm 18:2-3)

I prayed that Jesus helped me with my faith that all things would work out for our betterment. (Proverbs 3:5-6, Romans 8:28)

I prayed that Jesus would answer me and keep His hand over us as we start again. (Jeremiah 33:3)

It is easy to doubt, be filled with anxiety, and question the purpose of change. After all, life changes rapidly and demands that we keep up with it. But Jesus is consistent and constant. He does not change. He remains the same (Hebrews 13:8) and because He remains the same, we can take refuge in Him and know that He will provide. Deuteronomy 31:6 reads:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.'

If God is for you, who or what can be against you? (Psalm 118:6) It is not always going to be easy nor smooth sailing when you face a new season of life. The good thing is that you don't face it alone. Jesus already promised that He would not forsake you and that He'd provide exactly what you need when you need. While it can be difficult to remain patient and trusting, it's imperative that you lean on Him. Why? Because He already knows how everything ends.

We gain nothing by worrying about things outside of our control. Matthew 6:27 reads:

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

The answer is no. Believe, have faith, and know that Jesus has everything under control.

I love you, but Jesus loves you more. 


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