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Do You Believe In Love?

Yes, I do.

I believe, 100%, wholeheartedly, & fully that love is real & obtainable.

It might seem weird to be discussing this topic in the middle of the year instead of in February around Valentine's Day, but hey. We need to stop putting boundaries on everything in life.

A mentee of mine did a Q&A on this subject, & I encourage y'all to also answer these next ten questions. Let's see how well we align with each other!

1. What is love to you?

By definition, love is having a deep feeling toward someone, usually a sense of affection. I feel like that's the perfect way to describe love. Love is hard to explain in totality, though. For me, when I love someone or something, I feel it in my heart. I know that if it were to be removed from my life in any capacity, I'd feel as if a piece of me was missing. Love is the way I look at someone, knowing that they are important and possess something amazing. Love is the feeling of hugs. Love is kindness. Love is gentle teasing just to hear someone else laugh. Love is helping. Love is reminding someone of their importance.

2. Do you believe in love?

I do, yes. I'm not sure why I wouldn't. I think that some people feel discouraged or hurt, even, when their heart is broken by someone they trusted...this could be romantically or just as friends...either way, someone they cared for hurt them greatly. This is my only idea toward not believing in love. I wish that more people could feel the depths of love! It's such a great feeling to be loved & to love others.

3. How do you know you're in love?

I actually love this question, haha. Because I don't believe you fall in love the same way twice. Meaning, I do believe you can fall in love multiple times. BUT, the first time you fall in love is not going to be the same way you fall in love the second time. I love really really hard, I don't think it takes a lot for me to decide or know if I love someone or something. So, falling in love & knowing that I'm in love requires a little more attention in my life. I know that I'm in love with someone when the first thought I have when I wake up is that person. I know that when their dreams & ambitions are equally as important as my own that I'm in love. When I look into that person's eyes & see & feel that I want a future, I'm in love. It's silly, but I trust my gut when it comes to a lot of things in life, & if my gut tells me that this person is the one, I trust that.

4. Does love scare you?

To an extent. I LOVE love & sharing love. But, I also try to keep it at a distance. Being in love, specifically, asks you to be vulnerable & to let someone close enough to your heart that they "control it." I say "control" because you are ultimately the only person in control of your feelings, thoughts & life, but when you're in love & vulnerable, you're letting that person close to you--close enough that they are in a way, a second you. Make sense? So, it's scary in that capacity--that I am letting all my walls down to let someone new in. There are a lot of "what ifs" that float about, & if you let your mind wonder, being in love can be an even scarier experience. Your mind is truly the most powerful weapon you can have as an individual. So, it's important to mute the "what ifs" & focus on the now. This, for me, makes love less scary.

5. Can you love someone, but let them go?

ABSOLUTELY. Listen. If it hurts you or puts you in a position that is not helping or bettering your life, you need to let it go. Love should NEVER be hurtful or harmful. At that point, it isn't love at all, but rather your mind tricking you into believing you need to remain in this specific situation. I think that we confuse love with growth sometimes. In reality, we outgrow things constantly. & love or a relationship can be one of those things. I find that when people get comfortable in relationships, they think that this is the extent of all their love-relationships. That even if they are unhappy, they have to stay because they'll never find love again. & that is NOT the case at all. That saying, "I have loved & I've lost" is one of my favorites because I think it's more than okay to love someone, but let them go. Not everyone is meant to remain very close to you.

6. What is healthy love?

Wow, this is important. I think I've sort of touched on this in the previous question. Love should never hurt or make you feel anything but pure happiness. Healthy love aligns with your core values & fills you with a good feeling. I almost think it's easier to explain what unhealthy love is. But, to me, a good love does not cause harm to your mental stability, but instead uplifts you & encourages you to continue to be the best you.

7. Can you love someone, but hurt them?

I wish the answer was a solid "no," but that's not the way life works. You can absolutely love someone but hurt them. Now, whether or not hurting that person was intentional is a different question. I think that premeditated hurt is wrong & that shows you that you didn't have enough respect OR love for that person. But, if your intentions were good, but played out wrongly, then I think your love is still very much intact.

8. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Love? No. Are you surprised? Most people are surprised when I say no because I fully believe in love & all that love is. But, I don't really believe in love at first sight. When someone is first interested in another, it's solely physical. Then it evolves & you get to know that person. So, seeing someone for the first time doesn't mean you love them right away. You're attracted to them, sure! But, love? I'm not convinced. The only case I believe that sentiment to be true is the delivery of a child...yet, the parents generally loved the child before they even saw it.

9. How will I know I'm in love?

It's so specific to the individual. I can't answer this for you because me being in love is going to be different than you or my sister or brother falling in love. It's so cheesy, but that saying, "You'll know," is SO accurate. When you're in love, that person will make you feel a way no one else has before.

10. What advice can you give me about love & healthy relationships?

The best advice I can give is don't ask for advice unless you are willing to take it. No one is going to know or understand your relationship the way you & your partner do. So, if you go to someone & ask them, but don't like what they have to say, don't ask to begin with. Humans, myself included, give advice based of our own personal experiences. I truly believe that you have to experience things on your own to gain your own understanding. I will say that love is a beautiful thing & that it should be experienced. I will also say that it's never too early to be in love & it's also never too late to be in love. Society puts so many time constraints on things & it's completely unnecessary. As far as healthy relationships go, it's crucial. The second you begin to doubt your self-worth is the same second you need to remove yourself. If it's hurting you or harming you--physically, mentally or emotionally, it is not love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails...

If you can replace the word 'love' with someone's name & you agree with each line, then you'll know it's love.

May your day be ever filled with love, light, and of course, an abundance of chicken tenders💜🌻✨

Cheyenne Pajardo

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